Detox
by msjgatsby
Summary: Sometimes it needs to get worse before it can get better.


Author's Note: I have a lot of half written blurbs and ideas written down, but I'm having trouble finishing anything. This one is hopefully somewhat edited enough to see the light of day? This is just a short little blurb. I'm enjoying Season 3 so much more than Season 2 so far. Thanks for all your support with my writing.

* * *

"I don't want you to see me like this." Mike gasps, as he feels his stomach turn again and knows another round is coming up any minute.

"You're fine. This is what happens when you detox. It'll pass soon. You just need to get it all out of your system." Paige reaches out to rub Mike's back, but he holds up his hand to stop her and she crosses her arms and leans back against the counter.

"I know, but I don't want you here to witness it."

"Look, I know it's weird between us. We've never really talked about what happened with Sid, but you have to-" Paige starts to talk, but Mike cuts her off with a retching sound.

She stares helplessly on as he vehemently shakes his head no. He wants her to stop apologizing. This is not the time he wants to have _that_ conversation. As far as he's concerned, they never should talk about the events of last year again. They should just pretend they never happened. He's forgiven her, and he wishes she would stop beating herself up about it. It doesn't seem like she's going to stop anytime soon.

"No, it's not that." Mike waves at her dismissively as he rests his cheek against the toilet seat appreciating the coolness of the porcelain and trying not to think about germs.

"Then why?" She asks.

" _Because I'm pathetic. Because I don't like being vulnerable in front of you. Because you're never going to find me attractive again after witnessing this."_ He thinks to himself, but instead he just settles on, "I need to do this alone."

"That is exactly what you don't need." Paige says, "You need a support system. Addiction is tough. I know you think you're superman, but we all need help sometimes, Mike."

Mike would reply, but he's afraid if he opens his mouth more vomit will come out.

"You were the one who wanted to go cold turkey, you know." She chides him.

"What choice did I have?" Mike asks, wiping his mouth with the towel she hands him.

"You could have weaned yourself off with some monitored help like a normal person." She's scolding him, but there's a grin of admiration threatening the corner of her lips.

"No. Not after what happened in the field. I almost…" Mike's sentence is interrupted as his stomach ejects its contents into the toilet bowl he's crouched over again, "I almost got you killed."

"Well now we're even." Paige jokes offhand, reaching for the glass of water she has to hand to him.

"Are we?" Mike's eyes are watery from all the stress of unloading half his body weight into the toilet, but look up at her with hope. He just wants to put this all behind them. Move on. Have her forgive herself, and possibly even forgive him.

"No…" Paige's expression turns sad again, and Mike takes the water from her. "I'm never going to be able to make up for what I did. It's my fault you're even in this mess."

"No it's not." Mike insists.

"If I hadn't told Sid your location..." Paige's eyes divert guiltily to the ground.

"No. I went down to Solano's on my own accord. I was already in the hospital for collapsed lungs and a gunshot wound Paige. They would have given me the pills either way and, it was me who let the pills take control. Not you." Mike doesn't want her to feel any more guilt than she already does.

"How could you forgive me? I couldn't forgive you." She asks, pushing tears away from her cheeks.

"Maybe that's why I could. Because I knew how badly I needed your forgiveness for what I did." Mike tells her, not trying to add to her guilt, just trying to explain. He quickly adds in a low mumble, "Not that I deserved it."

"If you're trying to make me feel better it's not working." She says with a sad laugh.

"Hey, this is my day to be miserable. You don't get to take that from me." Mike grumbles, hoping to hear her laugh again.

She doesn't laugh, but she does stop crying and she kneels beside him on the bathroom floor.

"You think you're done?" She asks.

"Yeah. It's passed for now." He mutters.

"Think you can make it to the bed?" She asks, and Mike doubtfully looks towards the long path from his toilet to his bed.

"Maybe just leave me here with a blanket?" He says weakly.

"I'll get you a bucket for next to your bed. Come on." Paige says, helping to hoist him to his feet.

He shuffles across the floor with her supporting his weight under one arm, his other arm holding his side. He tries very hard not to breath in her direction. She helps him slowly lower himself onto the bed, and helps bring his legs up so he can lay curled on his uninjured side. She tucks him in, and true to her word brings an empty waste basket to sit next to him. She turns off the light, even though Mike knows with the pain he's in, he won't be able to sleep.

"What are you doing?" Mike asks nervously as he feels the bed shift behind him. He can't roll over to see her, his side hurts too much, but he can move to lie on his back.

"I told you. You're not doing this alone. Try to get some sleep." She answers from her side of his bed.

"Paige, you don't have to…" This is above and beyond. He was planning on lying here all night groaning, maybe screaming, and just generally hating himself. He's afraid he'll wake her up with every little move. She should go to sleep in her room and just leave him here to suffer. He deserves it.

"Yes, I do." She says softly.

"I might… It might get bad." Mike says with a shaky voice. From everything he's heard about detoxing it's going to get much worse before it gets better, and he already feels like he could die from the pain.

"I know. That's why I'm staying." Paige says sincerely, she reaches between them and takes his hand. "Sometimes it just has to get worse before it can get better."


End file.
